Thursday, August 18, 2011

Morals Not Mugshots

As much as I relish football playing on TV while I cook, read, shower, and work...somehow, this year it's not enough. I want more pigskin. I want to be more invested in the game. I need to justify ridiculous amounts of time spent on I need a fantasy football team. And fortunately, Cathy just hooked us up with 5 excellent tips for starting a team.

Our (and by our, I mean me and my twisted teal sister) 2011 Fantasy Football Team is called A Few Good Men...because instead of drafting players based on boring stats and percentages, we're choosing them based solely on morals, looks, and general intelligence.

Do you volunteer your time to the community, kiss your wife after every game, and promote the value of sport and education in a child's life? You just made the roster. Did you "accidentally" shoot another teammate, get anything tattooed on your face, or just in general forget that there is no "I" in "team"? You are not the man for us.
 Yeeeahhhh...looking at you, T.O.

Looks do figure into it as well, but they are a little more subjective. For example, I think Drew Brees has a nose that you could hang a potted plant from...but I know several people who would not kick him out of bed, even if he was chomping on Sun Chips.

It's a family moment for Brees.

Speaking of Drew, he was awarded the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year last November for the work his and his wife's organization has done for schools in the aftermath of Katrina. He is still married to his high school sweetheart and they have 2 children together (the second son's name was chosen when Brees tweeted to fans that they could help choose the name). He was All-American Academic in high school and went on to pursue a master's at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. And he has created anti-bullying PSAs. Hook nose or no, Brees may be our #1 contender for quarterback. Not to mention...I have a soft spot for The Big Easy (and their hand grenades).

And how can we have a complete Fantasy Football Team without a Jags player? I nominate Aaron Kampman for defensive end.
 He's in The Teal now. And LOOK! This is not Kampman's mug shot!

With the square jaw, the boy-next-door trim, and *gasp* are those...dimples... he looks as good as he plays. Kampman, who is married with 3 children, signed with the Jags after leaving Green Bay. In true Good Guy style he said, after a particularly rough season with the Packers, "Everyone gets have to realize life is bigger than winning or losing. In 10 years it's not going to matter." An NFL player with a healthy perspective on life? Show him where to sign, sis! we're stuck. If I could bring some players out of retirement, I would easily choose Kurt Warner, Jerome Bettis, and Tedy Bruschi. If I was choosing a team of angels, I would include Pat Tillman (anyone who dies for this country is #1 on my list) and Reggie White.
 Teammate. Soldier. Hero.

But we have to choose living, breathing, playing athletes who can keep the littlest player in their pants and a winning attitude about losing. So, sis and I are opening this up to you and your suggestions. Please, no one from the Vikings as they have proven repeatedly that the only team they should be playing against is Supermax Cellblock A.

And if you think Brees should be replaced by one of the Manning brothers, let us know that too. Once we have our team assembled, we'll keep you updated on the progress. If Karma plays out on the football field too, we may have one golly gosh darn heck of a season!


  1. You had me until you mentioned Kurt Warner. I don't care if he's a good person, I really don't like that guy! There's only so many times I can listen to a feel-good story before I wonder why they tell it so often.

  2. If anyone DARES to suggest that any Manning should replace Drew Brees, my head might explode!! Brees is THE MAN and he is a great QB! We saw Avatar maybe we were just in the same theater at the same time watching the same movie, but those are just minor details. I realized it was him as we were standing 6 inches apart with our faces pressed to the glass doors of the theater waiting for our rides to show up since it was pouring cats and dogs. I seriously almost passed out on the spot once I recognized the scar from his birthmark.

  3. Oh, and in Kurt Warner's defense, I think he tells his story so often because the damn media always seems to bring it up and ask him the same damn questions about it, amiright?

  4. Kampman is being reduced to a part-time status this season. You want a real gamble with the Jags I might pick up Gabbert as a backup. He is in an unexpected dogfight with Garrard for starting QB.

  5. I think this is a brilliant way to choose a team. So I guess Michael Vick isn't going to make the cut. And really...T.O. might not have the best morals, but he is very entertaining. He cries a lot in interviews when he feels like he's getting picked on. And that makes me laugh.

  6. I can vouch for Jaime's celeb encouner. She frantically texted me as it was happening.

    And Manning and Brees should never be in the same sentence. I think you might go to jail for that error.

    Also, why do you think you are getting all these players you want? It's a DRAFT woman. I will claw your eyeballs out trying to get Brees.

    Though, that's where it ends. I like the wild card players. Screw the goody goody pansy asses. That's just not American.

  7. Mr. Brees also gets mega karma and kudo points for donating ALL of the proceeds from his Super Bowl win back to the City of New Orleans to help clean up after Katrina... he's just a good person all around and I love him.. and stalk his baby regularly. I like how you picked your roster mine would be based on similar reasons... Where's Troy P from the Steelers he's a totally good seed girl. Angelic even... I hope he stays that way after Hines Ward got pulled over for drinking Lord knows my boys need some help in the moral department! ;)

  8. I love the idea. I would pull so many guys from retirement that have amazing morals. How do we create this???