Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Sporty Edition of Happy Hour and a Celebrity Encounter

I thought I might spice this place up a little by bringing a touch of my Happy Hour and a Celebrity Encounter to mingle with the sports talk. I was lucky enough to interview THE Sarah Colonna of Chelsea Lately, because she is super nice like that, but mostly because I have a good blackmail picture of her that I threatened to use if she didn't give me this interview.

The lovely Sarah is a die hard Angels fan and General Hospital addict. Please read on for her deep and intellectual insight on both topics.

Thank you for sitting down to do this interview with me, Sarah. You look hot. But let's start from the beginning and let's talk baseball. You're not from around these parts of California, are you? Can you let our readers know where you grew up and how you became one of those crazy baseball fanatics?

You look pretty nice, too. Thanks for reminding me your boobs are bigger than mine by wearing that shirt. I grew up in Arkansas, but my dad has lived in California most of my life. Great job starting this off by making me tell you I come from a broken home, by the way. Anyway...he was a sports editor for the Orange County Register and the LA Times. Since I visited him in the summer, we always went to Angels games since he covered them. So, I'm an almost-life long fan.

I have to commend you for not being a Dodgers fan. All of us San Diegans loathe The Dodgers and whenever @HeatherMcDonald posts a picture of herself at Dodger Stadium, it only makes me like you more. Tell us, how do you survive working in an office of Dodger and Red Sox fans? I'd probably kill myself.

Heather isn't a Dodger fan. She hates sports. She just goes, takes her kids from time to time and smiles for a nice photo op. But there are some Dodger fans around, who I just ignore. If they bug me I just remind them that their fans try to kill people. That usually brings the mood down and baseball talk stops. Kind of like what I did just now.

Have you ever made out with a MLB player? If not, I think this is the perfect venue to put the offer on the table.

I haven't. I really want to. I've always dreamed of being a baseball wife. I know that baseball players probably cheat, but I don't care. I'd sit in the stands and clap while sipping Chardonnay and figure out which of his team mates I would like to get back at him with. I don't know if any players are reading this, but if so please contact me. Let's do this.

I need to ask you an intelligent question now. See, I have this crowd of readers fooled into thinking I know anything about sports. Recently, your Angels had a pretty rad game. Ervin Santana delivered a solo no hitter for the first time in 27 years for the Angels franchise. What does this mean and convince me that it didn't make this game like THE. MOST. BORING game ever to watch.

It was so not boring. It was great. You're an asshole. Have you ever thrown a no hitter? I didn't fucking think so.

On a scale of 1-10, how drunk do you get when you attend the Angels games?

About an 11. I take the train, so no driving is involved.

Why is Los Angeles so fucking self absorbed that they had to change the Anaheim Angels (<---Way cooler) into the Los Angeles Angels (<---Lame)? Just to make us San Diegans hate them, too? Talk about a smack in the face to Mickey Mouse.

Don't get me started. Screw the Mickey Mouse crap, that was a rough patch. When they won the World Series, Eisner stood on the field with a Disney t-shirt on. I wanted to punch him. How about an Angels t-shirt, asshole? But, the whole name change thing was ridiculous. To be fair, LA was where they started. They played at Dodger stadium until they got their own. But, they were known most of their time as California Angels, from the mid 60s until your boyfriend Eisner took over. Then they changed it to Anaheim because that's where his lover Mickey Mouse lives. Are you happy? Now I'm irritated.

Let's talk about that idiotic Rally Monkey thing that went on when the ANAHEIM Angels won the world Series. Do you worship that little son of a bitch? Or would you agree he needs to get laid and calm down?

He's pretty embarrassing. But I still root for his dumb ass every time he comes jumping up and down. Whatever gets the win.

Let's pretend for a hot second that the Angels were playing in the world Series and you had a ticket. That same night was going to be a revival of General Hospital from the 80's with Bobbie Spencer and an encore performance of Don't Talk To Strangers by Rick Springfield and you had front row. Which would you choose to attend?

Angels, definitely. Mostly because it would be possible that by the time I got to wherever Bobbie Spencer and Rick Springfield were playing, they'd both be dead.

Lastly, we all really want to know about @JoshWolfComedy and his balls. Do they really hate Josh? Are they also Red Sox fans? Why are you the only account on Twitter they follow? Are they as hairy as they like to portray themselves? Who is the bigger asshole -- Josh or his balls?

Josh's balls are weird and scary. I'm sure they're Red Sox fans, which makes them also annoying and loud with a dumb accent. They follow only me because they are stalkers. They are wrinkly and angry and I don't want to keep talking about them for I fear a new attack.


Thank you, Sarah. You were far more patient with me today than in our normal conversations, so I appreciate that. I think you only cussed at me like 6ish times. Next round is on me, girl.

You can find Sarah's website and her WWSCD Q&A HERE

You can find Sarah on Twitter @SarahColonna

You can find Sarah on Facebook HERE

And of course you can always find Sarah on Chelsea Lately on E! Stay tuned for her book Life As I Blow It to drop Feb of 2012. Go HERE to pre-order your own copy. This girl will NOT let us down. I have a feeling this will be the must read of 2012.


  1. Great interview! I hate that damn Rally Monkey, but I promised to play nice, better an Angel's fan than a Dodger's! I still dream of making out with a baseball player too, I might even settle for mistress...eh.

  2. Oh, you really nailed her with those questions! OK, maybe nailed isn't the right word...you know what I mean.

    And I love that you brought out the girls and a sexy shirt to put her on the hot seat just a bit...nothing intimidates an interviewee more than a hot set of boobs across the table.

  3. That was the best sports interview EVER. I heart you.

  4. So proud of you for wearing a slut shirt... I expect nothing less. You gotta show those girls off!!!!

    I am also glad that Sarah too drinks until she's at an 11. It's the only way to live really.

  5. HAHA!! Sarah called you an asshole.

    Great interview! Even though I'm really not at all a baseball fan, these were fun questions and I enjoyed the post. :)

  6. Love it M! Thanks for making me a fan of Sarah! Where you wearing your "Sexy Time Machine" t-shirt. That always worked for you in Mexico.

  7. This makes me so happy. Love it!!

  8. SurferWife, you are an asshole, but this interview was stellar.

  9. Her father was a sports editor at the OCR? I wonder when?

    Anyway. She haz funny.

  10. that was magical. and i don't know anything about sports. except that i am one of those asshole red sox fans who talks funny.

    sorry about that.

    but i am in love with you both.

  11. Oh for shit's sake...you say you know not very much about sports but you said "solo no hitter" and now I'm confused as EFF. I no shit about sports. Can you tell?

  12. Sigh. You are SUCH an asshole Surferwife.

    I adore that.

  13. I heart Sarah Colonna...and SurferWife too. So, glad I dropped by to read today. Thanks for the reminder tweet SW. You know we are a little slow in the south.

  14. Ahhhh, I got a dose of sarah and surferwife today. I'm happy.

  15. Just found this site and as someone who both goes to sleep and wakes up to ESPN's SportsCenter, i might have to check you guys out more often!

    Having said that: Pats, Red Sox, Celtics...Duke Basketball

    That is all!

  16. Since I'm an East Coast girl, is it o.k. with you that I am a Red Sox fan? If not, you're an asshole.

    Also....loved this interview. Sports are hot. Sports bitches are even hotter!

  17. That was truly awesome!!! Sarah is one funny chic - on TV and off! Love!

  18. I knew there was a reason liked Sarah best on Chelsea. Great interview.

  19. This could not be a better interview.

  20. AWESOME interview!!! I especially like how your tits were worked into this as well as Josh's balls. Bottom line Sarah rocks and I'm happy to hear she's a sports fan, as if she didn't have enough street cred already!

  21. You pretty much had me at "Angels fan."

    Such a fun interview to read!

    (And I freaking LOVE the Rally Monkey.)