Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Triathlons. If SurferWife can pull it off, so can you. Trust.

While we wait for those damn NFL'ers to get their shit together and wait for my son's Pop Warner team to get into full dysfunctional swing, I'd like to enlighten you with the details from the second triathlon I had ever completed back in 2008. I'm posting this because I want to fool you, early on, into thinking I am sporty.


Sunday, October 5th, 4am in the morning. My dearest husband is already out of bed and getting dressed. *Insert Groan* It's here. The morning of my Mission Bay Triathlon. Who on earth signed me up for this crap?

Oh yeah. Me.

I roll my tired, cracking joints self out of bed and begrudgingly get dressed. Downstairs i hear my brother in law, Jim, getting himself ready, too. Jim and my sister Laura flew out from Arizona for a combination of the triathlon and my daughter's birthday party. Where there will be beer. And cupcakes. The real highlight of the damn day.

The three of us are on the road at 4:45. Somewhere in La Jolla, my triathlon partner in crime, Jaime, goes whizzing by all giddy and excited-like. The smart thing to do is to just flip her off. So I do because she is an athlete and enjoys this torture, which totally deserves the bird at 5 in the morning. We are in the parking lot at 5:15am and at our transition area (where we keep our bike, gear, etc and change in between each discipline) by 5:30. It's still pitch black out. Sweet. Who signed me up for this crap again?

Oh yeah. Me.

I get my own little space all ready with my helmet, bike shoes, socks, running shoes, visor, race belt with my number...bottle of vodka, US Weekly and my iPhone with Twitter for iPhone app all ready to go. (<---This is a lie, because I was starting to bore myself with the initial list.)

Now is the time when the nervous energy sets in. There are a gazillion people milling around, lines for the bathrooms, an announcer on a loudspeaker updating us on what the hell is going on, and my stomach is starting to get agitated. I go and hang with Jaime, Bob and Jim until our heat goes off at 7:10am. Bob and Jim are in the same heat and go off at 7:25. Lovely. The Surfer is most definitely going to pass me somewhere on the course and i have a 15 minute lead on him. Please let it be on the run (which is the last part) and not the bike. And if he happens to pass me during the swim which is first? Well? That probably means i have drowned--which wouldn't be a terrible thing.

I am in my wetsuit and getting flashbacks of the swim during my first triathlon. Not cool. I did terrible during that swim. I was near frantic and never put my face in the water to do a correct swim. It blew chunks and i wanted to quit. This race is different that it's in a bay (no waves) and you actually start out in the water vs. running down the beach and getting all crazy with a spiked heart rate.

*Bang* goes the gun for us to start. Who signed me up for this crap? Seriously.

Oh yeah. Me.

I start swimming and Jaime like tries to drown me immediately. Not sure what she was doing but I'm pretty sure it looked like we were sumo wrestling minus the diapers.

I get going and actually feel ok. I have my face in and I am doing all of my correct swimming techniques. After what feels like 10-15 minutes I think I must be close to the buoy to come in. I look. It's barely even in sight. Hmmm, I think i have only been swimming about one minute.

Note to self: Don't look for the buoy to early in the swim--it's way discouraging.

Minus the big, crazy chick that tried to run me over while swimming diagonal in the wrong direction--everything went well! I was up and out of the water sub 12 minutes. I was VERY pleased with myself.

The bike. My love. This is by far my favorite of the three disciplines. I get on there and i feel like I am flying. I realize that i am now starting to pass the younger ladies in the wave ahead of me. Maybe 4 or 5 in my own group passed me and now I remember why i signed up for this crap. This feels good. Well, except for the part where my spin teacher, Andrea is yelling at me in my head telling me to GO FASTER and QUIT SANDBAGGING! I come in from the bike at about 36 minutes and start the dreaded 5K (3.12miles) run.

As my jello legs start running, I realize The Surfer has not passed me yet. Nice! So, I run.... and I run.... and I run....and I run. I swear you could have convinced me that i had been running a full 26 mile marathon. Running without my iPod is a friggin' nightmare. Somewhere between mile 1 and 2, The Surfer himself smacks my ass and goes sprinting by with a stupid grin on his face.

My goal was to be under an hour and 25 minutes. I came in at 1:23:58 for a 500meter swim, 9 mile bike and 5K run. I finished 46 out of 96 in my age group. I was really, really happy but ready to kill whoever signed me up for this crap. I was beat. Fast forward 20 minutes when i have replenished my fluids, stretched a little and let that high of exercise hit me.... When can i sign up for the next one?!

I love this crap!


  1. Minus the torture part of an actual triathlon this sounds like a lot of fun. Curious to see what Jaime has to say!

  2. You're insane. Although, sports torture is awesome. Way to go!

  3. You told that story so well that I actually thought "Hey...maybe I should do a triathalon". But then my sanity returned. But I'm way impressed with you. You are my triathalon hero.

  4. What fun! Would love to WATCH you the next time. Don't think participation is in my future! good post, tho.

  5. Impressive! That is awesome since I am scared to death to ever do one of those - you rock!

  6. The big, crazy chick that tried to run over you while swimming diagonally in the wrong direction?!..ummm..yeah..that *might* have been me....my bad!

    I cant believe I have to repeat this in 4 days....

    PS: I like to pee in my wetsuit