Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The secret to owning an athlete's ass.



Some of you know I have taken up a new fitness routine. I have been doing it for 12 weeks now and the shit hurts. But. I have never done anything that has given me such fast results. I suppose spending 60 minutes feeling close to death will give you results. Now that I think about it, I think maybe I have made a deal with the devil.

The new, super hot, sexy bodied devil is called The Dailey Method. Pretty much what happens is they scream, "SurferWife, we want you to look hot, so you will spend the next 60 minutes doing the ugly cry. And we are going to look super cute with our really toned bodies while we make you beg for mercy."

Just to emphasize my point, I have dusted off my artistic skills and provided masterpieces that capture my suffering. What you are about to feast your eyes on is an exercise the little she-devils call, 'Seat Work.' In SurferWife terms, this is called 'getting your fat ass in shape.'

I lay on my back and assume it's night-night time. Just as I start to get cozy and release a snore, they insist I tuck my pelvis and 'squeeze my seat.' Right as I think I am handling this, fire ignites in the room and I am suddenly in Dante's Inferno. They have the audacity to ask me to lift my leg above my hip while my pelvis is tucking up. Within like one second, my body buckles and bats are screeching over my head, laughing at my pathetic-ness.




This is when I realize I am screwed for the next 6 minutes



Just as I start mentally writing my Last Will and Testament, the instructor, with the bright smile and perfect butt, tells me that now I need to tuck faster with my leg straight up, as if I am trying to get my foot to go through the ceiling.

I would like you all to try this right now, please. Go ahead, I'll wait.




I'm fairly certain my body shouldn't be able to do this


oh look, now she wants me to take that leg that's straight up in the air, out to the side while gyrating my pelvis up and down. Gee, now she is saying my leg needs to be straighter, STRAIGHTER, STRAIGHTER!!!

The fire stops, the screeching bats are gone, her devil horns have disappeared and I figure this was it. I am deceased and heading on to the pearly gates. I almost hear all of you pouring a little of your 40oz Olde E's out on the sidewalk in respect of my passing, ALA Tupac.

But no, it's my sweet instructor telling me I am done.

With the right side.

Put the left leg up and tuck, TUCK, TUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!





My ass better look like this by year's end or heads WILL roll. Pee Ess: Maybe I am a little dramatic, The Dailey Method isn't trying to kill me. Just slowly beat me into submission.

Someone get me some tater tots and a mojito. I'm pretty sure I deserve it.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Tebow Manialarity



As I sat in the Portland airport checking my phone during the 3 hour wait thanks to a lovely delayed flight, I couldn't help but notice all the Pats fans reactions to their win. Any other game against a mediocre opponent you wouldn't hear a peep. Well, maybe a peep, they are New England fans after all, but not to this extent. Throughout the week they (among many others) complained about how much coverage Denver's QB was receiving, calling ESPN the Tebow network. Then it was about how much they hate Tebow. After the game it was all about how they Tebow'd Tebow, they beat the unbeatable. Guess what guys? You're only feeding the hype.

I can't help but find this whole situation amusing. It seems you have to either love him or hate him. Maybe my lack of caring about college football keeps me out of either group, but has there ever been a rookie QB to cause this much controversy throughout the league's fans? Not even Alex Smith could match it.

I will admit to laughing in awe with how little quarterbacking skill he used on those multiple comebacks. I even hoped he would do the same to the Pats just to watch the haters suffer and the worshippers continue with their ridiculousness. Sadly, he showed he really is human and not the 2nd coming. What will his followers do?

Whatever their reactions, I can't wait to be entertained by the extremes. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It's so terrible, I don't even want it in writing.



Yes, that's exactly how I feel about the NBA at the moment.

There is so much going wrong with the players, the owners, and especially the commissioner.

The season is about to get underway and I can barely channel excitement for it. Yes, me the one in this group of fab ladies that is all NBA all the time, can barely think about the season starting. I KNOW.

The commissioner was the tip of the iceberg for this season. Mr. David Stern (henceforth known as Mr. Idiot) had the NBA League purchase the New Orleans' basketball team previously because they were in such financial difficulty (this was completely unheard of before, no one could believe it happened). Well, New Orleans wanted to trade Chris Paul to Cali, and Mr. Idiot didn't want that to happen so he halted the trade. The commissioner halted the trade. He didn't let it happen. First time for the NBA ever. Why would he care? No clue, but it was a dumb move. He'll be asked to step down once the season starts. If he doesn't, the NBA needs a new Board of Directors.

Then, my Mavericks. I'm so dissapointed, I've barely been able to even pay attention to trades. I know it could still work and it could still be an amazing season. I know. However, we traded my love, Tyson Chandler; we traded JJ Barea and Caron Butler. Three amazing players, three who helped to pave the way for our rise to glory. And who did we get? We got Mr. Kardashian himself, Lamar Odom. Yes, I know many girls are excited about this, because that means a Kardashian will be living in Dallas. You're preaching to the wrong choir girl on that front for me. I would rather scratch my eyes out that deal with that hot mess. Also, Odom is a dirty player. I don't like that, you don't have to play dirty to be a good player. In fact, to be a good player, you shouldn't have to play dirty.

The other trades, I don't really understand. And, it's happening all over with the teams. I'm just at a loss. It's like the league is falling apart at the seams. I'm already tired of what is to come. Because, I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm just wondering what the owners and scouts have up their sleeves, cause it's gotta be better than what's happening right now. . . . right??

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Worthless? Idiotic? I beg to differ.



One week ago the Packers offered their first stock sale in 15 years. And I bought a share.

http://packersowner.com/


Let me start by saying that I completely understand what I bought. I understand that buying stock in the Packers is really more like a donation. My stock will never make me any money. I'm totally ok with that. I love my team and I want them to prosper. So I gave them my money.

Last Tuesday there were articles written about how dumb Packers fans are for buying something "worthless". Worthless, you say? Because of my donation Lambeau field will get 6,700 more seats. And, the citizens of Green Bay won't have to pay for those seats through tax increases. Nope. The fans have taken that burden off the community. I'd say that's worth something.

I also have access to exclusive merchandise from the Packers Pro Shop and I get a fancy certificate with mine and my husbands name on it. See. Totally worth it! Was this an emotional purchase? Of course. This wasn't driven by logic. I know I just gave nearly $300 to the Packers and I personally get very little in return. But, really, I know women who buy shoes and purses that cost more than that. They wear them for a season and then what? They get their money back? No. I at least can take pride in the fact that I helped my team improve it's stadium.

Everyone knows that the Packers organization is unique. The have been a publicly owned, non-profit corporation since 1923 governed by a board of directors and executive committee. No other team is set up like that. It's part of the reason our fans are so insane. We know we have something special. When the opportunity came along to really become part of the Packers organization, I jumped. May my loyalty never be questioned.

And because I knew exactly what was being offered and decided to buy anyway, may my intelligence never be insulted.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I've Been Bit By the Bug



On two separate occasions over the past 4 years I've tried to become a "runner" through individual training programs. The first time was a similar program to C25K, only it started with distance not time intervals. I stopped following after two weeks, but kept going on my own, peaking around the 2-2.5 mile mark.  Then I lost my job, my thryoids majorly crashed for a 2nd time and I couldn't run more than a half mile without dying.  I tried the C25K this past June and found myself bored and unmotivated.

Failing - 2
Hutch - 0

In October I decided to try again, signing up for the local Fleet Feet No Boundaries group.  Putting myself in the run/walk group initially, I struggled with breathing and keeping a manageable pace. After my trip to Kentucky though something just clicked.  I switched to the running group and a week later I ran a complete 4 miles, outdoors, for the first time ever!  I'm not sure I've ever experienced a high like that before. I don't even know how to explain it.  My body definitely surprised me.

Since then I've completed 6 miles with the training group and ran my first 5K.  I understand why they say your race pace will be entirely different than how you train. I took almost 30 seconds off my mile pace that day and have managed to maintain on my shorter runs since. 

I've already signed up for the Shamrockin' Half Marathon in March and of course the training group, which starts in January. This month I'm focusing on strengthening my legs and the nagging IT band issues.  The quad roller (part of the Trigger Point set) is my new favorite torture device.  If you have any kind of ITB or tightness issues toss the foam roller and use this.  When I went in for Fleet Feet's trigger point class, the instructor said "If you haven't found religion yet, you will tonight."  Um, yes. He was right.

Ignore the lint, my carpet's a collector.


I may only be running 1-2 days/week right now, but I itch to put on my shoes and get outside almost every day.  It's official, whatever bit Cathy has come after me too!

I'm a runner.

And I have pretty shoes! Yes, my feet are freakishly small.

Friday, December 9, 2011

so this is what it feels like



A while back, I expressed concern over the expectations that were being loaded on the shoulders of Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, the Edmonton OIlers 18 year old #1 draft pick.  I was worried that he wasn't ready to withstand the crush of pressure that he was sure to feel from the fans and the media.  I was uneasy that the city was pinning all of its dreams on this one kid.

Boy, do I feel stupid.


Ryan Nugent-Hopkins has been NHL rookie of the month for the first 2 months of the season - he is only the 2nd player to do so in the last 20 years.  Patrick Kane and Jonathon Toews of the Chicago Blackhawks didn't do it, Alexander Ovechkin didn't do it, not even Sidney Crosby holds that honour.

The last player to mark that milestone was Evgeni Malkin.

Not only is RNH #1 in scoring among rookies, he is 7th overall in the entire NHL.  I don't remember the last time the OIlers had a player in the top 40 scorers.  So far this year, we have 3 players in the top 20 - RNH, Jordan Eberle, and the prodigal son, Ryan Smith.
RNH leads all NHL rookies in goals, this year, with 13.  He leads in assists with 17 and, of course, total points with 30.

In 28 games.

That's more than a point per game.

There are only 16 players in the NHL right now that are averaging more than a point per game.

2 of them are Oilers.

The team is 2nd overall in at-home power plays at home, and 8th overall in the league - last year we had the worst power play in the league.

What a difference "The Nooge" makes.

Did I mention that he now holds the record for the earliest recorded hat-trick by an NHL #1 overall draft pick?


Wilzie and I finally attended our first game of the season, last week, and it felt different than it has in the last few years.

There was...excitement in the air.

People weren't just hanging out near the concessions drinking beer, they were actually watching the game.  And they were cheering.  There was even a wave!

That sort behaviour is unprecedented around here!

We even have a bonafide celebrity fan.  Kevin Smith of Jay and Silent Bob fame is sporting a giant hard on for the Oilers - just check his twitter feed to see how often he talks about the team.  He calls in to local radio shows to talk about last night's game and he filmed a bit for edmontonoilers.com showing off all of his Oilers memorabilia.

The team is still far from perfect - we lose games that should be a no-brainer, we fan on good chances and we take stupid penalties - there is potential shining through.

And you don't even need to squint to see it.

After 6 years of losing, of not only missing the playoffs completely, but coming in dead last the last 2 years in a row - Edmonton Oilers fans finally have something that we had almost given up on, entirely.

Hope.

And it sure feels good.

 

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Going Round in Circles



I had a difficult time choosing a topic for today's post. I could talk about why the University of Kentucky men's basketball team decided not to participate in the Maui Invitational Tournament over Thanksgiving weekend (or was it that they weren't invited?), but I don't know that it matters to anyone but me (and that's only because I enjoy shoveling pecan pie down my gullet while camped in front of a UK game).

Then there was the UK vs UNC game last week (also known as the game where I actually stopped breathing for 45 seconds) but an early season game is not necessarily an indicator of how we'll perform the next time we meet them...so no reason to get too excited and begin throwing around words like number one and NCAA Champions.

But the story that caught my eye was actually a 30 second blip on CNN International about a horse race in Hong Kong. And my take-away from that clip was that they race their horses clockwise in Hong Kong. That threw me. Because I'm used to watching my horses run counter-clockwise. I know it's counter-clockwise. I realize every decent day at the track is fueled with bloody marys and mojitos (or is it mojitoes?), but I'm pretty sure that even when I'm 6 sheets to the wind (note to self: look up why that's a euphemism for being wasted), I know which direction is clockwise. And we ain't got it.

So, the question is...which one of us is doing it wrong?

Thank God for Google.

From Askville.Amazon.com (although I'm mad at Amazon right now because they have apparently launched a campaign to underbid the small business, but that's a totally different post on a completely different blog):

Particularly horse racing is often run clockwise outside the US such as England, Continental Europe, Australia, and Hong Kong. The decision to run horses counterclockwise in the US dates to the American Revolution era. In 1780, the first circular US race track was established by William Whitley near his home in Lincoln County, Kentucky. A staunch supporter of the Revolution, Whitley insisted that horses race counterclockwise, as opposed to clockwise as was the custom at the time in England. Some but not all American tracks followed the change immediately. Belmont was run clockwise from its opening until 1921. Today about 30% to 40% of English horse racing is now counterclockwise like all horse racing in the US.

Imagine my surprise and delight when I learned that a Kentuckian was behind it all. So, yes...New York and California, you may try to boast that you are the horse racing capital, but it's right there in black and white...Kentucky determined which direction you would race your pretty little horses. And that pretty much settles the debate in my mind.

But it raises one other question. Y'know how, when you walk in the same direction on the track all the time, you get a little...er...unbalanced? I have always wondered if the same happened to jockeys...always racing in the same direction. So, now I'm intrigued. Do they pick up a few races outside the U.S. just to even themselves out a bit? I really need more jockey friends to ask these sorts of questions.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Cam Newton is a nice guy...



Lately, I've been hearing a lot of negative things surrounding athletes. Guys getting into fights on and off the field...NBA players whining over money...guys just being stupid.

But then I heard something that I thought was just awesome.

Cam Newton spotted a teenage girl sitting in the stands at the game wearing a t-shirt that said "Mrs. Newton" across the back. When he scored a touchdown, he went directly over to her and handed her the ball. I can only imagine how excited she was...he must have made her whole year.

As it turns out, that was a record setting touchdown...Newton's 13th for the season and the most by an NFL quarterback ever. The team eventually asked the girl for the ball back so it could go to the NFL Hall of Fame...but she didn't care. Just the fact that she got to singled out by Newton was enough for her.

It's awfully nice to hear good things like this. Well done, Cam...well done.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The ole Pickle Juice trick, eh?!



Yesterday, this article popped up on Yahoo! Sports.

Meet The New Sports Drink: Pickle Juice

Oh yes, people.  You read that right.

I used to give this to high school football players ALL THE TIME!!!!

See what happens is, it gets hot, or you are a heavy sweater and then you start to cramp up.  The cramping from heat, we all get that, but what about your normal, run of the mill cramper - how does that happen?  And WHY?!

Who knows? 

My assumption was there was something inherent in their physiology that caused them too lose sodium or any other of the several key electrolytes too quickly and BLAMO! Cramps!

There are actually 2 old school grandma methods of cramp relief, as well as several "modern" ones. 

1. Pickle Juice


 2. Mustard

I used to carry packets of mustard in my kit for when people cramped up.  Chase it with some water, stretch and you are good to go.

The pickle juice, I always recommended as a preventative measure.  Because it's hard to carry a jar of pickle juice around in your medical kit. 

A shot every night, and an extra one before the game on game day.  Worked great!
When you make pickles, you have to brine and marinate the cucumbers, making them shrivel, because of all the liquid lost.  Well, brining mix has TONS of sodium in it, as well as other elements of what our body uses for electrolytes. 

So if you or someone you love is a cramper, buy some pickles.  Or yellow mustard.